Quotes from Combat Dome


"Am I a bit late?…"

[commenting on 'Springtime for Springheel'] "but you'll have to find a rhyme for "Mwaa-haa-haaaaa!!!!!!""

"Ahh springheel jack. Taking the 'the' out of Psycho Therapist"

"I wanna kill something dammit"

Jokester/Springheel Jack:
"After a brief investigation, Jack determines that team-mate is not edible, can not be easily raped, isn't very flammible and doesn't react kindly to being poked with badass metal claws. Slightly disappointed, Jack decides he'll tag along with this guy anyway as it will at least give him someone to play leapfrog with."

[after a magical display from a drawing of a clock] "Jack peers confusedly at the clock face. Slightly unnacustomed to drawings that move, he decides to investigate. After a few minutes he had established that while it CAN move, it CAN'T be raped, killed, eaten or set fire to. Terribly disappointed once more, Jack sits hugging his knees and begins whistling 'Mas que Nada'. How the hell he knows this tune is unclear."

"Jack is now half way through 'War and Peace'. He says it's not very well-written."

"Springheel was able to amuse himself temporarily by leaping from peak to peak, but eventually this lost its appeal. As we speak he is currently sitting atop one of the peaks trying to teach a mountain goat to fetch. He thinks he will call the goat Nibbles."

"Jack wonders vaguely why fast food chains never build restaurants in places with no people in them. He's decided that if he can't find anything to do in these mountains pretty soon he's going to visit the nearest city, march up to the first restaurant he finds and lodge a formal complaint, then burn it down."

"Has anyone else noticed that my teammate has been standing in a state of apparent comatosity in the middle of the road for the last few days?"


Jokester/ Springheel Jack: "Springheel Jack is now sitting on the roof beside his teammate, who hasn't moved in the past twenty-four hours, drawing a cityscape of London in the dust with his claws. he's just completed the parliament buildings and is starting to get very, VERY bored."
Gamemaster: "A mystic light shines down from the sky and illuminates the drawing of the clock face,the hands begin to move when they reach 12 o'clock a ball can be heard chiming faintly and (for the first time in gaming history) after such an impressive and inherently magical display nothing happens!"
Jokester: "Balls don't chime. They roll."

Springheel: "hmm. treasure or rape? treasure or rape? What do you think Nibbles?"
Nibbles: "mnaaaaaa!"
Springheel: "Is that goat for 'treasure'?"
Nibbles: "Mnnaaaa!"
Springheel: "Is that goat for no?"
Nibbles: "Mnaaanaa!"
Springheel: "alright, alright, I don't talk to goats that often."


"Please proceed with caution as there are likely to be monsters nearby"

"the robots cleaned up the dog already and will be progressing to the puddle which apears to be all that remains of that odd experiment"

[after Loki attempts to experiment on Brall] "unfortunately due to moral questions proffered recently by the other members of the board of directors i must force you to ask him if he will consent to this. i am not in any way doing this because i am scared of budget cuts"

"as an intelligent man you will have noticed that your predecessor was fired, this is because he was actually fired by decapitation"

"Ah you're alive…I mean back, of course."

"I would like you to test a new monster i have created! won't that be fun?"

[to Loki] "Hello underling. I want you to lead the researchers coming with me to the northern cave, you may have heard some rubbish about checking up on the life stream but actually we are going there to investigate Sephiroth DON'T TELL ANYONE!"

"the main idea or shape for our world was from the game known only as "Final Fantasy VII" It saddens me greatly to learn this, our universe is but a creation of the minds of artists and computer programmers"

"we have managed to find a material that protects the brain during transit and have successfully sent a dog in and brought it back completely unharmed, we then sent it along the gold strand and it arrived in some historic age, before we could successfully return it, it was impaled by some idiot on a horse, he had a lance."

"we can now lock on to a date ±500 years, this should prevent "the curious incident of the dog in the knight time" as we have called it"

"to whomsoever finds these notes I urge you: Take up the baton, begin "Project Omniverse" and find more sourceworlds, more fictions and more strand networks. By all means keep your work secret as you will no doubt have some of the monstrous decisions to take as we did, but I urge you, don't keep your findings in the dark, Share Them With The Worlds!"

[letter to Loki] "Loki- please restore the networks ass soon as possible, I need full signal strength before I can restore myself. I know I can't trust you which is why there are three other people trying to restore the networks for this very purpose, however, please try else I will destroy J.A.N.E.'s memory and kill Roddy.
The girl was a mistake, I told you NOT TO MESS WITH MY EXPERIMENTS ASSHOLE."

[after ressurection as Weiss] "Ahhh, Professor." [hits Loki with butt of rifle] "Welcome Back!"

"Again with the monsters"

"Roddy? I'm gonna be gone for slightly longer than expected. Don't kill anyone while I'm away, OK?"

"Roddy? stay out of the fridge til I get back. There's some very important…er… paraphanelia in that fridge." [pulls collar nervously]

"Where is the nearest research institute anyway? I get disorientated in cities of more than 3 colours."

"Greetings, Mr. 3rd Class. I would like to know what exactly you're doing here, and also whether or not you would be willing to consent to being the subject of an important experiment which may or may not have potentially deadly side-effects."

"I'm going for that by coffee before I go insaner."

"I say we meet in Junon, just cos I want to see the needlessly decorated gun."

"I can't believe all this happened just because I was trying to get a coffee…"

[To Hojo] "Is there a reason why you're entrusting this to ME? I mean, there was that incident with the coffee strainer last time you lent me a book. I know I promised I'd never do it again, but it's still…
Well, that's enough about the Coffee Strainer Incident for now. When do I go to this top secret location?"

"Chocobo me."

"Mmm. Phoenix down. Fluffy. Ow! Hot! HOT!"

"Mmmm. Shiny Bikes. That's it! I'll call this one 'Mr. Shiney'!"

[after using a pheonix down] "Aw, pretty. Now I may have a chance of emerging in one piece. Three, tops."

"What kind of lousy supersoldier can't take a couple of rifle shots and a fireball to the face?"

"hee hee hee hee! Firey! Burny! ha!"

"It'd be nice to get away from all these people trying to kill me.
Maybe I should move out permanently one day. Take Roddy in his cage and find a really big USB stick for Jane…
Yeah, on second thoughts, maybe that wouldn't work."

[In Gold Saucer] "Not much seems to be going on here. Let's go investigate Round Square instead. Purely because I like paradoxes."

"A-battling we will go, a-battling we will go, hey-ho ma daddio, a-battling we will go!"

"And what the Duat is a hobby shop? a place that sells hobbies? Buy a stamp-collecting, get an amatuer dramatics free?"

[referring to Chocomog] "force the guy. girl. hermaphrodite thing. asexual being. Whatever the choco-fella is, let's force him a little."

"Ooh! Ooh! Hellfyre! Combustion! Burnyburnyburn!!!!!!"

"I probably recieved a report on this at some point and used it to grow microbes on. I use a lot of reports to grow microbes on. It seems to have more effect than the conventional use for reports"

"Oh crud. This feels ominous."


"OK, so we've blown up the monster and my prisoners have got away with a crew of mutineers. And nasty red woman has been slapped. Now what."

"'Him who road block stop him no; him who traffic warden scare him no; him who fuel leak hinder him no; him shiney'"

"this looks like the beginning of a beautiful… what's the relationship between vehicle and rider called? Never mind."

"After a lifetime spent mainly under artificial surgery lights, I'm not terribly adapted to natural sunlight in large doses"

[After being recognised as a scientist] "it's the hairstyle, isn't it. They always notice the hairstyle."

[To JANE]"take down a memo: Have serious words with Hojo about the minimum age for legally consenting to take part in a scientific experiment."

"And I even went to the trouble of wearing a badge to warn them"

"Hee hee hee! Claws! Ha ha ha! Jump! Slash! Burn! Rape!"
"Woa. That was wierd. It was like an alternative version of me took over for a sec."

"Shin-Ra goon? Me? Would a Shin-Ra goon wear THIS get-up? I mean really, we have SOME class you know.


"I'm told that always turning right until you reach somewhere you recognise will get you anywhere you want to go. On that basis, I'll go left"

[Upon seeing a ghost] "Um… hi. S'up?"

[After recieving orders from Hojo] "Specimen? SPECIMEN? There's no way that can be good."

[Upon discovering Joanna] "WHAT? Not another one?!?!? HOJO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah, well, I recently got a mind transplant from a very clever scientist I know."

[Issuing orders to his bodyguards] "O…K… just, uh, generally… kill them. Take a squad each. I'll… uh… wait in the middle and… er… Never mind, just kill them."

"Ragnarock's coming down fast and Loki's still bound. Ironic, certainly, but not particularly helpful to me or the girl."

"Aw, I'm a sucker for ominous all-capital titles. TOP SECRET please."

[letter to Hojo] "Dear Your Evil Madness, I'm going to restore you to life, as I have little other choice, but if you harm a single living thing in any way, and I am including sentient computers under that category, I promise I will hunt you down and find a way to either kill you permanently or imprison your consciousness in a memory stick and drop it into the sea. Don't think I'm not mad enough to try it. I have a BADGE"

[To Hojo] "Well, if I'm still a professor, I profess this: You are bl**dy well not surviving the sequel as well! I WILL stop you! SOMEONE will stop you!"

[To Deepground guards] "Look, I don't suppose we can settle this over a coffee?"

"Well. That's that then. Death or glory. Or, more likely, both. Possibly neither. Oh well."

"Just as long as Joanna eventually lives longer than Hojo, I'll count this whole shebang as a victory. She's like the daughter I wanted to have until that was made impossible by the side-effects of the Coffee Strainer Incident. He, on the other hand, is more like the father I really did have." [SHUDDERS]

[referring to his poisoning of Brall] "That was a moment of stupidity. Well, OK, an entire five years or so of stupidity"

[On his banner in the final battle] "MORTIS VEL LAUS. FORSIT UTERQUE" ("Death or Glory. Probably Both")

[To Azumi] "You know Dad's old motto, "Non est verbum non possum?" well, like with everything else, he's wrong. My survival here is about as non-possum as you can get."

[To Joanna, after giving her his lab coat] "The Bastard's going down. Sooner or later."

"Him who family forget him no,
Him who friends lose remembrance of him no,
Him who death remove him no,
Him Shiney." [WINKS]

“Right lads, this is it. The Big Finish. Tomorrow is the big day. Most of you will probably die tomorrow, I know I will… I know this isn’t much of a motivational speech but… err well, if any of you guys wants to just leave now… we won’t think you’re running away or anything. The helicopter leaves for Mideel in half an hour, otherwise… I suggest you all get some sleep, it’s going to be a long da- Wait, it’s probably going to be a very short day tomorrow, but it will be quite tiring.”

[to hojo] "I have been appointed to a particular post, with that post comes certain responsibilities. One of these is to conduct peace talks with the enemy in time of war. I checked. In a library. Research doesn’t have to include cutting people open or pumping them full of chemicals you know… You and Father never seemed to understand that.”

“…I have been Officially promoted to the rank of Lord High Commander. It’s in the database and everything. Since, technically, we both still work for Shin-Ra… For the first time in my life Hojo… I outrank You! doo-do-di-doo! HOJO-BE-DAMNED!!!!! And that is an Order!”

“We sure as hell got him steamed! And we all know that angry people make mistakes, right?”

[gives goddess concoction to Brall] “Now we’ve tried it on the guinea pig, lets use it on the rat.”

“Remember, Roddy: daddy loves you!”

[to surrounding circle of soldiers] "I, err, don’t suppose we could settle this over a nice cup of coffee?”

[pointing behind Shelke] “Look out behind you, It’s Sephiroth!”

“Now, now Hojo, play nice!”

[to Brall and Bob during final dual] "Come on guys you’re missing out on the fun!”

[faint voice heard when Roddy digs into his coffin] “Roddy, is that you?”

The Sourceworlder
"I learned the hard way that the Strands aren’t purely one directional, you should learn the easy way: From me.”

"Poor sod… more than six years in a tank with tentacles growing from his head! Damn I hate that Bastard Hojo!"

"Joanna is like the daughter I never had…”

“They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: 

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 

At the going down of the sun and in the morning 

We will remember them.”

Gamemaster: "OK you are now stood next to a really wierd looking SOLDIER 3rd class who does not appear to be an experiment of any kind…what do you want to do?"
Loki: "Cause him to become an experiment of any kind."

Loki: "Err. J.A.N.E. I thought i asked you to look after this place whilst i was gone."
JANE: "I did sir."
Loki: "Then why is my lunch from 2 weeks ago evolving new kinds of deadly disease?"
JANE: "I Assumed they were an experiment sir and last time i binned your lunch whilst you were out you were most definite about it not happening again sir."

Gamemaster: "[Metaphor] lifts a rock and hurls it at you, it punctures one wing then whirls around and comes back puncturing the other, you fall to the ground"
Loki: "What? That's it, this overblown piece of symbolism's getting eaten."

Loki: [referring to the Cosmo Canyon elders] "interupt them and ask if they have any coffee"
Gamemaster: "excuse me wise ones but do you have any coffee oh shunners of earthly things? you think that will work?"
Loki: "They shun all earthly things? What's their fire made from, divine intervention? And their clothes, food etc? Sounds like blatant hypocrisy to me."
Gamemaster: "their fire does seem to burn infinitely on the same 5 logs…?"

Bugenhagen: "Ho there newcomer, what do you seek?"
Loki: "Um… to be honest, a coffee shop. Although I also wouldn't mind a few things explained - such as how you can float like that"
Bugenhagen: "Ahh the mysteries of the cosmos!"
Loki: "err yeah particularly coffee orientated ones?"
Bugenhagen: "Hoo Hoo yes indeed! I am Bugenhagen, the philosopher and scientist. Great mysteries are those that face us in everyday life as well as in deep thoughts such as 'why am I here?' 'where is Here anyway?' and 'when will that bloody bus arrive?' but i find the most important questions always revolve around the lives of planets or, failing that, hot beverages."
Loki: "I couldn't agree more, Bugenhagen. Hot beverages all the way. Oh, and planets. You have to love planets. Without them we'd have nowhere to grow coffee."

Loki: "I wonder what other reports I should've been paying attention to…"
Gamemaster: "well there was that one about the weakness of Midgar to aerial damage by small planetoids that you were supposed to fix but i'm sure that will never crop up…again I mean it's a once in a couple'a thousand year event and the last big one was Jenova's landing a good two thousand years ag…Oh"

Elena: "well we have the area secured and the locals are mostly loyal so we should be OK to go straight up to Gia's cliffs"
Rude: "… … …"
Reno: "Rude's right what does it matter how long rufus is here"
Elana: "WHAT!!!! it could mean we get pay rises or…anything!"
Reno: "Whatever."
Rude: "… … …"
Elana: "Rude! how can you take such a lax position on this? you're a professional."
Rude: "… … I need another drink… …"
Elena: "WHAT!!!!!!!!!"

Scarlett: "Oh, your one of Hojo's pet's are you?"
Loki: "Umm, not exactly, no. So what are you doing here anyway? why is weapons research at a known Sephiroth location?"
Scarlett: "Sephiroth IS a weapon Idiot and we need to how to combat him effectively if his threat level increases."
Loki: "I see and how exactly can the greatest warrior the world has ever known become more of a threat?"
Scarlett: "You know nothing? Hojo does keep a lot to himself."

Mayor of Costa Del Sol: "She has this odd black rash, it wipes away when we use a cloth but it hurts her and it's always back soon after we wipe it. She was really lively to start with but…she's fading fast!"
Loki: "That's certainly… unusual. For a rash."

Loki [after being shot]: "Assholes. I LIKE this shirt."
Gamemaster: "By Game Logic, your clothes are completely unharmed.
your wounds are nonspecific, they merely deduct from the total HP so if you are hit twice in the chest it has the same effect as one in the head and one in the leg unless the plot requires otherwise."
Loki: "Ah. Excellent."

Hojo: "You CAN'T do that you Stupid little professor. Loki the next time you meet one of my experiments Don't Try To Kill OR Cure Them! You ruined my experiment into lifestresm distribution of Jenova cells and then attacked to clones! I will have you-"
Loki: "Err the 'clones' attacked ME"
Hojo: "Yes well we can't expose them to to much negative interaction with Shin-Ra personnel. they are very unstable personalities, very childlike, even now I am unsure whether they bear the grudge or will get over it as soon as I give them something new to play with."
Loki: "OK Well if you would just tell me when an experiment is near I will try to avoid harming it"
Hojo: "What the %*&£ you are approaching Nibelheim…The whole %*&£ing town's a %*&£ing experiment and you are going to Shin-Ra Manor, where I run my more, err, Secret Experiments. Just try not to break anything OK?"
Loki: "yes sir"

Loki: "I never actually found out your name, you know"
Joanna: "Name?"
Loki: "yeah you know like what people call you…"
Joanna: "err. Argh! I don't remember. That nasty Hojo man just called by 'subject 1' and before that I don't remember much at all!"
Loki: "well… what would you like me to call you then?"
Joanna: "I don't mind, Call me what you like!" [Which he does]

Hojo/Weiss: "Hojo is gone, His perfect mind is nestled inside this new body, We are the ultimate synthesis. Behold Weiss The Immaculate!.. … Bow before me."
Loki: "Never!"
Hojo: "Hail Weiss!"
Loki: "No! You have no right to do this after what you've done, YOU ARE DEAD!!!"
Hojo: "Incorrect. I am perfectly healthy, now more than ever before. Now Hail Me!"
Loki: "No!"
Hojo: "Very well then. Die like the scum you protect."

Loki: "So, who are you anyway?"
Sourceworlder: "Well I believe you have had Hojo's notes by now yes?"
Loki: "Errmm… yes"
Sourceworlder: "The notes would have talked a little about a person from the "Sourceworld" or a "Sourceworlder"
Loki: "Yes."
Sourceworlder: "Hate to be immodest but… Here I am the One And Only!"
Loki: "Oh! Wow."
Sourceworlder: "He-He… But, were both here for a purpose and sitting here and chatting is probably akin to suicide, Shall I lead you to the lab?"

Bystander [upon seeing the Sourceworlder reasimilate]: "Hey, that looks like a man!"
Brall: "Ooooh, I love it when a man comes together!"
[Sourceworlder falls about laughing]

[Joanna knocks out several armed men with magic]
Azumi: "Joanna… What? How… I don't… Wha-"
Joana: "Oh… well I wasn't sure that would work but I'm glad it did… Are you alright?"
Azumi: "Well yes I… You know, I knew there was something odd about you. When you first arrived you could still barely think straight for five minutes, Then your brain started to recover but, well, it went Beyond recovery. Your mind has been improving dramatically."
Joanna: "Yes, I noticed that. I think that might be Bugenhagen's doing."
Azumi: "Hmmm…. well we've got to get away from here. Grab anything you think you'll need and meet me down here in five minutes. The car's out the back… Oh and, Hand 'Em Over!"
Joanna: "Hand what over?"
Azumi: "Those materia, of course!"
Joanna: "But… I didn't use any materia"
Azumi: "Oh My Gods"

Sourceworlder: "You didn't spend your whole life being controlled by brainless morons… You spent most of your life being controlled by… Me."
Loki: "You- Wha?"
Sourceworlder: "Ermm… Yeah Me. Calum P Cameron. I invented, and played as, you in the game I mentioned, then I became a prolific author and, when I had nothing else to do, wrote short stories about your life. Then I wrote a novel about you and then… I left home, well I left home years before but that was when I first left my home world…"
Loki: "I Hate You! Why did you have to wright that part in high school with Emma Stewartson?"
Sourceworlder: "Oh well I had never written a tragic love story and I thought… who better to try it out on than… well, you. I'm sorry I didn't realize that you really did exist."
Loki: "Wait, get back to the part about me dying. If I'm gonna die anyway, why am I making all these ludicrously over complex preparations?"
Sourceworlder: "Because I wanted you to go out in style. Because I didn't want you to just walk out onto that battle field with your hands up and say 'come on then, Hojo, give it your best shot!' Because… Because, it made quite a good story…"
Loki: "Oh… … Did you win?"
Sourceworlder: "Oh, yeah."
Loki: "Then I have fulfilled my purpose in life. Let's give Hojo a taste of what's coming to him!"

Loki: "Do we have a lord high commander?"
Extra: "erm, yes sir."
Loki: "Who?"
Extra: "errrr…. You sir."
Loki: "Wha- Oh OK… Yes I am the lord high commander (apparently) what is it?"

Loki: “Hey, Brall… You seen that Weiss guy out there yet?”
Brall: “No.”
Loki: “Oh, good. For a minute there I thought we were in real trouble!”
Voice over hacked-into Comms: “White Ship is airborne, repeat White Ship is airborne! Command is ready.”
Hojo's voice: “You idiot! If we use codenames, you are NOT supposed to say who is under what name!”
Loki: “Damn! Why am I always right the first time?”

1st Voice on Comms: [beep] “Serge I got one, I got one!”
2nd Voice: [beep] “That was me you idiot!”
1st Voice on comms: [beep] “Sorry serge!”

[Loki whistles Main Theme absent-mindedly]
Joanna [telepathically]: -What tune is that?
Loki: “You know we can talk normally, we’re right next to each other…”
Joanna: -Yeah, but this is more fun. What’s the song?
Loki: “I… Dunno, I think I heard it on Fourth-Wall FM the other day…”
Joanna: -Oh, it seems… familiar.
Loki: “Yeah, I know what you mean…”

Hojo: “Ah, Loki. We meet at last!”
Loki: “What are you on about, we’ve met loads of times… I used to work for you!”
Hojo: “Yes I know but these things are traditional. Just be thankful, given your choice of weapon, that I would never sink low enough to declare myself your father mid-duel.”
Loki: “Look out behind you, It’s Sephiroth!”
Hojo: “Hah! What fool do you take me for that I would fall for trickery from the self proclaimed god of jests.”
Hojo: “My son…”
Sephiroth: “I am no son of yours.”
Hojo: “No… My son… It is me, Hojo!”
Sephiroth:“I know who you are you despicable, worthless man and I say to you: No son of yours am I”
Hojo: “Sephiroth! I am your Father!”
Loki: “Hah, hypocrite!”

Goddess: “Oh my! You don’t know? And I cannot possibly tell you… You will find out one way or another but I am not allowed to intervene. It is a shame, please try to work it out… and keep yourself safe. You are the last living one, and the most powerful I have ever known… Even more so than myself.”
Joanna: “What? But you’re the Goddess!”
Goddess: “Very observant. But I was once alive, a living, breathing person.”
Joanna: “You were a human?”
Goddess: “No of course not!”

Rowan: “Calum, You’ve got to come and have a look at this, it’s amazing… And slightly scary!”
Calum: “What now? Did you find something that looked like Craig?”

Inscription on Bob's tomb: “Here lies Bob, A True Hero”

Inscription on Brall's Tomb: “Here lies Brall, A SOLDIER and, A friend.”

Inscription on Loki's Tomb: “Here lies Loki, A shattered Phoenix.”

Inscription on Mr F Shiny (made by Azumi): “Vivet Is Quisnam Fulsi!” (Long Live He Who Shines)

Inscription on Mr F Shiny (Made by Azumi):
"Is quisnam via clausus subsisto is haud;
Is quisnam via custodie repleo per vereor is haud;
Is quisnam vox effluo prohibeo is haud;
Is Crus!

Is quisnam volo super patefacio solitudo;
Is quisnam tutela unus myriad hostilis;
Is quisnam volvit obviam suus plasmator;
Is Crus!

Is quisnam pugna niveus, immaculate;
Is quisnam pugna atra, inritus;
Is quisnam portatus lux lucis, spes;

(Him who road block stop him no;
Him who traffic warden scare him no;
Him who fuel leak hinder him no;
Him Shiny!

Him who speeds over open desert;
Him who charges one thousand enemies;
Him who turns against his maker;
Him Shiny!

Him who fights the white, the immaculate;
Him who fights the black, the void;
Him who carries the light, the hope;

Footnote from authors copy of this inscription (Honestly!):

"Him who try to translate inscriptions using web translator;
Him Idiot!"

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